If You Love Me
by The-Girl-Dressed-In-Nightmares
Summary: After becoming an interntional bestselling author off of her journals from her youth, Helga decides to go visit Arnold to finally confess her feelings for him. Trouble arises when Helga finds out that Arnold is engaged to Lila!
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

Writer's block sucked. Especially when you're an international bestselling author. Helga Pataki knew that better than anyone else. She drummed her fingers on her desk in angst. Why can't novel ideas just come to me? She thought to herself. That would make writing so much easier.

Helga stared at her blank computer screen, the curser blinking. She groaned and slammed her head against the table in angst. She didn't have time for this. Her publisher wanted a book out in the next month! Although Helga LOVED her job, she admitted that being a worldwide best- selling author had its downsides.

For one, her publisher was getting annoyed by her lack of ideas. "Your fans are demanding the new Helga Pataki book NOW!" He told her in an e-mail. "You have to keep them satisfied!" Helga hated to admit it, but he was right. It had been almost a year since her last book came out. Unfortunately, nothing in her life was worth writing about.

Helga's first (and so far most successful) book came out a few years after she graduated college. She decided she wanted to publish the journals she wrote in her youth. There were 23 of them in total, so she spent a long time looking through them until she found the one for the one that would be her first book: the journal she wrote in fourth grade when she attended PS 118.

She admitted while painful to look back on (particularly the angst filled entries about her alcoholic mother, abusive father, and her oh so perfect older sister) she realized that this would be the perfect journal to start with. She corrected her spelling and grammar, as well as changed the names of the people in her entries and edited out entries she found to be pointless.

After about two years of editing, rewriting, and reviewing her work, she sent it to publishers. To say that the books weren't a hit would be an understatement. They sold over a million copies worldwide. Helga appeared on talk shows, interviews, and even started her own charity helping underprivileged children.

She began publishing the next 22 of her journals within the next few years, which also became a huge hit. Her fans sympathized with Helga-or "Cassandra" her penname in the novel-having to deal with neglectful parents, people at school, anxiety, and of course…Tristan. Or as Helga had come to know him growing up, Arnold

Yes, Arnold. The object of Helga's desires since kindergarten. She clearly remembered how he always put others before himself, the tufts of hair that stuck out of his football shaped head he had, and how deeply passionate he was about everything he did. He was everything she ever wanted.

Helga spent all of grade school collecting tufts of his hair, his chewed up gum, and lint from his clothing to make a shrine for him in her closet. She planned to tell him how she felt about him at the end of high school. But that all changed sophomore.

Arnold had a crush on a girl named Lila Sawyer ever since she arrived at PS 118. Everyone knew it. It made Helga sick to have to sit back and watch Arnold attempt to win her heart. At least she knew he'd never succeed. Not only did everyone know that Arnold had a crush on Lila, but everyone also knew that Lila didn't "like like Arnold, but just like him."

But that all changed when Arnold asked her to the spring formal. They ended up going to dinner afterwards and kissing. The next day, Lila was officially Arnold's boyfriend. Helga felt like her heart had just been y mercilessly stabbed, torn to shreds, and then thrown into a meat grinder.

She wasn't the emotional type at the time other than when it came to Arnold, but she still remembered crying for hours in her room with the door locked when she got home. Her whole world was shattered. There was so many things she knew she should have said and done.

Arnold and Lila continued to date throughout high school. Helga didn't know whether or not they were still together (she lost contact with everyone she knew at school after high school graduation) but frankly she didn't want to know. The past was just too painful.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

"I can't just write novels at the blink of an eye," Helga told her publisher Tobias Stewart over coffee the next day. Tobias was tall and skinny as a twig, with blond hair that drooped over his left eye and thick, red glasses. "Of course I know that Helga," Tobias said smugly. "I'm just saying it would be nice if you could pick up the pace with your writing a little bit."

Helga pinched the bridge of her nose. "Well do you have any bright ideas Mr. Smarty-pants?" Helga snapped. "No, I don't. And you know why? Because I'm not being PAID to have ideas!" Tobias retorted. "Geez, what's your problem man?" Tobias stood up from the table and started to walk away in a huff.

Helga sighed. Tobias could be an enormous pain, but he was technically the only friend Helga had left. Besides, she needed help, and he was the only one she could talk to at the moment. "Tobias, wait." Helga called to him before he could leave. Tobias turned around.

"I'm sorry okay?" She mumbled. "I've been having really bad writer's block lately, and I need help." Tobias sat down and sighed. "Sorry for snapping at you." He half smiled apologetically. "You're a really talented writer Helga. What can I do to help?"

"Well, all of my novels are my old diaries. Those periods of time in my life were always the more eventful." Helga took a sip of her coffee. "But ever since my novels have been published, everyone knows what goes on in my life whether they follow my blog or watch me on TV. If I wrote a novel about all that, I'd just be telling people stuff they already know."

"Well, maybe you need a different approach." Tobias said. "Maybe re-visit a person from your past. See if your relationship would be the same as it was then if you visited them now." "I cut contact with everyone I knew in school after high school." Helga said coolly.

"You ever heard of this tool called the internet?" Tobias said mockingly. "Just type in one of your school friend's names and try to track them down." "And what the heck am I supposed to say when I find them?" Helga scoffed. "Hey, I know we haven't spoken to each other in eight years, but I just wanted to hang out with you so I can get material for my new novel!" Tobias groaned. "Seriously Helga, just try it. Why not that Arnold kid you told me about. You named him Tristan in your books, didn't you?" Helga gritted her teeth. "There is no way on planet earth I am EVER talking to that…football head again!" Helga barked.

"Whoa Helga, what did that guy ever do to you?" Helga thought back to the last day of high school, after the graduation ceremony. Lila was enveloped in Arnold's arms. He stared at her, his face almost glowing with happiness. He whispered something in her ear. Then she smiled and he kissed her. Tears started welling up in Helga's eyes. That memory. That one hurt the most.

"Nothing it's just…you don't understand. This whole idea is stupid!" Helga stood up from the table and stormed off. "Helga, what's the matter?" Tobias called after her. She didn't turn around. Instead, she went home.

. . .

Helga lied down on her bed and stared up at the ceiling. She was never going to write a new novel. There was no way she was going back to see Arnold again. Even if he wasn't still dating Lila, what the heck was going to happen between them? He'd probably just be reminded of that pushy girl at PS 118 if he saw Helga again.

Helga flipped over on her side and stared at the drawers. Her head started hurting, so she opened the drawer to see if there were any pills inside. She looked inside, but all she found was some hair elastics, a hair brush, her credit card, and… a locket. She pulled it out. On the front of it was a picture on Arnold when they were in the fourth grade.

Oh yeah, Helga thought to herself. This is the one I always kept in the front of my dress. She opened it to find a quote inscribed in it. "Arnold, my soul you are always in my heart. Love, Helga G. Pataki." Helga sighed. She was such a romantic back then. She loved that locket so much. She even remembered breaking into Arnold's house just to get it back once. 

She stared at the picture of Arnold. Helga did admit that sometimes she missed Arnold and wondered how he was doing. Maybe she even still loved him, she thought to herself. She clutched the locket to her heart. She knew now what she had to do. She had to find Arnold. Finally confess what she had wanted to say to him since kindergarten. And maybe even write a new novel in between.


End file.
